where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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