glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
