I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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