Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
