I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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