We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
