Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
