What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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