Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
