awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
