foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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