Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
