Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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