That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
