every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
