I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
a search helicopter?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
