My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
