drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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