I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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