i love accidental penises.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
