It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
