Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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