i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
