is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
