Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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