I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
