My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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