if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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