I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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