When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
