The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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