so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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