that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️