Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.