I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.