Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
