I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.