he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.