I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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