Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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