legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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