Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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