I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
