your thong is hanging out like whoa
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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