And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
