at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
