it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're a waste of cheezeits
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
