I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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