capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
