OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
