I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
