An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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