I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
