Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
