Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
