lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
