i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
