i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
