I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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