I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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