after a month anything with tits is on the radar
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize