he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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