You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
