apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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