I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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