I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
