Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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