waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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