I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
