He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
