I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
