No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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