you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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