smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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