I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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