So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
