No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
